Give Yourself Away
BY C. L. BOTHWELL
It seems like most of our holidays have been converted into consumer events, and in
that department no holiday holds a candle to Christmas.
Economic forecasters constantly remind us that the nation's fiscal survival depends on
Christmas shoppers. Our future is read in the tea leaves of Yuletide spending and it is very
nearly patriotic duty to buy a lot of useless junk to keep the ball rolling.
Thanksgiving is the kick-off date for the annual binge, and the day after Thanksgiving
is always the biggest single cash-register clattering sales day of the year.
Even if most of us know that Americans use far more than our share of the world's
resources, and the American lifestyle is a substantial cause of the ecological crunch facing
the planet, we still go out and buy. We seem like a nation of frantic Neros fiddling while our
home burns with holes in the ozone and global warming. For those of you who think there
ought to be a better way to celebrate the winter solstice, I have a few suggestions.
The best presents involve giving yourself, not stuff. Memories last forever, unlike
perfume, sweaters, jewelry, knick-knacks, gizmos and baubles. My partner Susan took her
mid-Western paraplegic Aunt Emma to New York City and wheeled her all over town. The
Empire State and World Trade buildings, Times Square, the works. Aunt Emma joyfully
remembered that adventure for the rest of her life.
In a similar spirit, my friend Larry took his daughter cross-country skiing he didn't
give her tickets or equipment or ski togs, but three days spent together sliding across the
snow on borrowed skis.
A talkative, perhaps over-talkative, dear friend named Jeanne gave her partner
silence a box of little coupons good for five minutes, or half an hour or a whole day of
silence. And Susan once gave me a box of slack I guess I'd said, "Give me a little slack,"
once too often. I'm saving those coupons for some time when I really need it.
Time is free but it seems expensive, doesn't it? I think that's why giving your time to
someone can be such a special gift. Take a computer nerd to an art gallery and your artist
friend on a factory tour. Take a plant worker to the ballet or teach a ballerina to access the
Internet. Drag a rocker to the symphony and an opera buff to a drumming. Has your grandma
ever played putt-putt golf? Make it something out of the ordinary and the memory will shine
brighter than a diamond.
Don't give a friend coupons for meals at a restaurant, cook something complicated or
strange or goofy and take them for a picnic beside a creek. Bake a loaf of bread. Give your
best buddy one homemade loaf a month for a year.
The public library is one of the most magical places on earth. Take someone child or
adult to the library for the first time and you have given that person an unending treasure.
Do it twice a month for a year.
Read aloud to kids or to each other. Share a book of fairy tales with your spouse or
family, once a week all winter. Spend a morning sketching or painting with watercolors,
even if you've never tried it. Sketch each other, do it every Christmas Eve.
If you feel the need to give something to be opened Christmas morning, think about
things in your life that have been useful for at least five years, things that don't quickly wear
out or get set aside. A dictionary, an atlas or field guides for birds, flowers, trees and so on,
will last a lifetime.
Tools are excellent. Surprisingly few people own a quality hammer or Philips head
screwdriver. A single ten-dollar screwdriver will still be handy years after a ten-dollar set of
ten screwdrivers have twisted into uselessnes.
The same is true of a decent paring knife, adjustable wrench or pair of scissors. A flat
bar is indispensible once you've owned one, and you are better off with more than one.
I have a knife sharpener that looks like a miniature yo-yo that has been superb for a
decade. For about two bucks you can make anyone's kitchen work better. Someone will be
thanking you every time a tomato needs to be sliced.
Time spent shopping is never refunded. It's gone. So on Friday after Thanksgiving, why
not stay home with friends or family? Rake leaves into a pile and dive in, finger paint, make
caramel apples or go for a walk with someone you love.
Make memories instead of credit card bills. It's a holiday weekend so celebrate!
Happy Thanksgiving.
C.L. Bothwell, III, lives in Black Mountain, N.C.
