An idea whose time has come?
BY PAT JOBE
With apologies to Jonathan Swift, here's a modest proposal to address
Gov. David Beasley's plans for foster care in South Carolina.
The governor has hired a cost-cutting expert to reduce the levels of
care for foster children, thereby saving us money. Since the purpose of
government has been redefined in our time and we now know there is no
nobler cause than saving money, no reasonable person can argue with the
governor's intent.
Some fuzzy-headed liberals will whine that reducing levels of care for
troubled children will cost the state more in the long run. They'll say a
number of these children will fail to deal with their years of neglect,
abuse, sexual assault, and abandonment, and will possibly violate the law
requiring arrest, trial and imprisonment.
Such liberal thinking ignores the fact that we must have police,
courts and prisons, and if formerly abused children don't break the law,
a whole new criminal class would have to be recruited. Lord knows what
that would cost.
Still as wonderful as it is to save the state money and reduce the
care of foster children (who can't vote and offer no threat to our beloved
governor's political ambitions), there is a more modest, efficient way to
meet the same end.
Instead of cutting costs by reducing care across the board and
disrupting the lives of all children and their foster parents, why not
select a random percentage and eat them?
No, I don't favor the ritualistic cannibalism alleged to go on among
satanic cults, but rather a USDA-inspected run through existing
slaughterhouses where these children could be packaged as shoulders, hams
and rump roasts. Some of them have already had their rumps roasted by
cigarettes and fatherly passions, so it could be a short leap into the
sausage grinder.
For many children this might be a better destiny than the years of
depression, personality disorders, failed marriages, and busted dreams
that come as common aftermaths of child abuse.
The plan does present one problem. What to do with the heads? Social
squeamishness would likely prevent just dump-trucking them off to the
landfill.
Perhaps they could be mounted like the deer, moose and bear we find in
taverns and better homes around our state. They could be sold to further
reduce the burden on taxpayers, or maybe placed at the entrances of our
prisons.
If we choose the prison option, we could mount a plaque under each
that reads, "Here's one we don't have to feed."
Pat Jobe is a part-time United Methodist pastor and a sales representative in Inman. He and his wife, Pam, are foster parents.
Instead of cutting costs by reducing care across the board and disrupting the lives of all children and their foster parents, why not select a random percentage and eat them?
