“This is a great day for the wealthy citizens of this state,” said Col. Hambone Pigney, a sponsor of the Jan. 12 Inhogural Ball. “We have a governor who understands how poor people are dragging down our economy.”

“The Inhogural Ball offers those of us at the top an opportunity to show our appreciation to the workers for voting against their own interests,” snorted Pigney, CEO of the I Got Mine Company.

Pigney, who made 821 times more than the workers in his factory, laughed all the way to the bank when asked about slashing his workers’ benefits. “It’s grand being in the 1 percent of Americans that holds nearly half of the country’s wealth.”

Chairwoman of the Race To The Bottom Committee Ms. Ima Ripoff said, “We’ve managed to keep wages flat for the last 30 years. With Gov.-elect Haley declaring war on unions, we expect to drive wages down to Third World levels.”

Pigney and Ripoff chortled with unbridled glee at the new administration’s plans to cut government services as well as taxes. Ripoff noted, “South Carolina’s 44 percent discount on capital gains kept nearly a quarter-billion dollars in the pockets of my rich friends. The more we have, the more we can trickle down on the peasants.”

The Inhogural Ball will be held 7-9pm, Jan. 12, at the Big Apple in Columbia. The gala is $10 for those making less than $200,000 a year; free to those making more.

The evening’s entertainment includes sketches by Members of The Idle Rich (a Trustus improv troupe) and speechifying by special guests. Dance to live music by The Trickle Downs, and have your tea (party) leaves read by the beguiling Lady Christine.

Dress is Black-tie or peasant-casual. (For costume needs, see Hip-Wa-Zee in Columbia’s 5 Points.) Cake, Kool-Aid and other beverages provided by generous corporate donations.

For more information, call the SC Progressive Network at 803-808-3384 or email network@scpronet.com.

See story in Columbia’s Free Times.